Star Class Addresses Olympic Critics

[Ray Rogers]

STAR CLASS ADDRESSES OLYMPIC CRITICS
In a last ditch effort to be included in the 2016 Olympics, the Star Class convened an Emergency Committee to adopt new rules with the hope of influencing the ISAF mid-year meeting in St. Petersburg, Russia in May.
These rule changes are designed to increase the athleticism of its sailors, lower the cost of equipment, and remove barriers to new participants. In this issue we will deal with the biggest change; that of crew weight. Star
class marketing director Fried Elliott explains:
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“While it is an absolute necessity to have heavy crew, it has been determined that in the spirit of Olympic competition and the athleticism of its participants, new rules regarding crew and skipper weight will be adopted. The formula for calculating maximum combined weight of skipper and crew has been changed to include certain body mass indicators.

“The crewmember’s buttock weight (determined by BMI analysis) shall not exceed by a factor of four the weight in grams of the skipper’s head multiplied by its circumference measured in cm. Furthermore, the size and weight of the skipper’s head shall be no more than one half the combined weight of the crew member’s buttocks and paunch. This is known as the fat-ass/fat-head rule.

“To simplify the measurement procedures, participants will be measured only once for a regatta, on the day before competition. However, to ensure compliance (and address the epidemic incidence of gout among the fleet), certain pre and post regatta dietary restrictions will be strictly enforced. Red meat will be limited to eight pounds per day and seafood is imited to ten pounds per day. Also, the smoking of cigarettes, cigars and
pipes will be prohibited after the starting sequence has begun. There are no restrictions on the consumption of alcohol before, during, or after competition.

“It is hoped by adopting this rule change, the ISAF Olympic Committee will recognize the Star Class’s commitment to ensuring its participants are the best physically trained and healthiest athletes participating in Olympic sailing.” 

 

Thanks to Foss Miller for keeping us up to date and entertained.